OGDS: Are you afflicted?

Is your spouse hiding all those catalogs yet?

I wanted to advise readers of a new – and quite possibly dangerous – disease that researchers have just uncovered in the hunting/outdoor community. It’s called Offseason Gear Deficiency Syndrome, or OGDS. Researchers found that people suffering from the disease all share one trait in common, best summed up with the quote: “When I can’t hunt anything else, why not take a shot at my wallet?”

Symptoms include finding something on every page of catalogs from, Bass Pro, Midwest Turkey Call Supply or L.L. Bean they “need” and “can’t live without.” Spouses of those afflicted with OGDS report copious amounts of drool occur when catalogs arrive in the mail.

Spouses also revealed they try to stave off the onset of the disease during the offseason by getting to the mailbox first and discarding the catalogs. This only leads to looks of bewilderment, however, from OGDS sufferers when their hunting buddies – also OGDS sufferers – start talking about the “great new decoy on pg. 46.”

Therapists say the first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem. If you’re unsure if you, your hunting buddy or spouse is an OGDS sufferer, take a look at the symptoms list below.

* You look at every hunting/fishing catalog that comes in the mail cover to cover while walking from the mailbox to the front door;

*You continue to look at said catalog for the next week, planning how and when you will purchase each item;

*You repeat the phrase “If I had (insert product name here), then I could kill (insert species name here);

*You hide your new purchases in the garage, away from your spouse so they won’t ask how much it cost or why you need another one;

*You have more than one of any gadget or product and never use any of them;

*You have a “special” bank account that no one else but you knows about, just so you can purchase hunting gear anytime you want;

*The balance of the bank account mentioned above never has more than $20 for longer than three days;

If you answered “yes” or can relate to any of the above symptoms, then you should seek help immediately, preferably by getting into the woods on the first legal date of hunting season. If you must, traveling to another state where the season opens sooner is an approved method in the recovery process.